September is here and it brings a mixture of emotions for me. September has been a horrible, cursed month for me for the majority of my adult life. The last September I can really remember enjoying thoroughly was in 2008. I was dead broke, just moved to Florence, Italy and a group of wonderful people that I hardly knew planned a special night out in honor of my 21st. I remember climbing on top of a giant bronze turtle, drinking prosecco out of the bottle, kissing a random stranger, and eating all the pasta I could. It was absolutely wonderful and I truly cherish those memories.
Since then, however, it’s been mostly filled with down days. My birthday is a day of dread and regret, if I’m alone and no one is really around to remind me of it, I try to move through the day as quickly as possible so s to not wallow in it. It’s not really regarding age, but just how unhappy I have become as an adult, and how forgotten I feel as a human. That makes me seem petty and childish, but maybe I am. I don’t ask for much, and maybe that’s the root of why I feel lonely and forgotten, but who knows. No one is going to look out for you more than yourself.
September is also the month where scorpions like to come out and play where I live. Last year I had one give me a nice little wake up call on my pillow. It lived outside in a container until it melted from the intense heat. Don’t fuck with me scorpions.
September is a conflicted month. Half of the month you’re trying to enjoy the last minutes of summer, but then autumn comes around and it’s a pumpkin orgasm everywhere. I guess a part of me would be considered “basic” (I hate that sexist term to much) because I do love me a good latte with cinnamon, and a pumpkin candle. I also enjoy baking stupid pumpkin shaped cookies, or autumnal scones (scones 4 lyfe) around this time. If I lived in a place with cold enough weather I’d probably enjoy fuzzy scarves and wooly sweaters, too. Alas, San Diego is still hell on earth, and the part I live in is still experiencing 90+ degree weather.
September is more like the beginning of a new year for me as well. I feel like I take time to reflect on my goals, ambitions, and changes I want to see myself make over the coming months. That also means setting up a lot of challenges and failures during one of the most difficult months of the year, but we soldier on.
What are your plans for September? Do you have similar feelings as I have? Are you excited for autumn, or sad that summer is leaving us?