In 2015 I have allowed myself to try as many new things and ideas as possible and to let things go, or change, as needed. The tricky part of all of that is learning to let go of any guilt or shame that might come with what I consider failures, but others consider a good try.
This blog is something that I truly love and want as a part of my daily life, but weekly constrictions won't work. I'm too interested in too many aspects of life and some weeks I have more to say about food or beauty rather than life and PCOS. I feel like a lot of writers and artists can relate to a change of heart when it comes to being creative, but we move on!
Failure is not something I really want to consider as a possibility anymore. It causes self-hatred and that won't get us anywhere. This blog has been a struggle, but not a failure. I've tried different ways of working with my own motivation, and the structure of it, and I feel I've finally landed on something I'm happy with.
I'd like to indulge my inability to stick to one specific thing continuously, but also supply endless articles and musings for people to read. So, my plan is to write freely, post freely, and hold no guilt. I want to keep to my word on posts I already have set and have discussed with others, but I hope to open the platform a bit more. I'd love to have guest writers or artists post on here.
A few years ago I had a website called Black Peripatos. It was a place where I promoted emerging artists from around the world and hoped to open connections between different mediums. It went well, nothing was wrong with it, but then depression hit. The website had to stop and I hated myself endlessly. I still hold a lot shame towards myself for letting that go, for letting people down, and for seeming unprofessional.
Depression and anxiety has been a big part of why this blog has been pretty inconsistent despite my attempt to guilt myself into writing on a schedule. I allowed my full-time job to get to me and my mental disorders to pressure shame and hatred for every day that passed. It's a slow process to let that shame go, but I feel right in what I'm hoping to achieve here.
This year will be full of travel, hopefully love, and more pictures. I want to have more happy endings and less sad nights. I've learned my limits with sadness and having my heartbroken, but I've also learned that love is always a better choice in the end.
Here's to an honest new year.